Thought Raker

(All previous episodes here)

Deepa sighed as she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes for a brief moment. Three days had already passed, and she had just wrapped up the first few audits. It had been a tiring schedule, and she rarely got to see the others.

She found out the first day that they were all early risers. Her room was large and comfortable, and she had embarrassingly overslept. When she finally slipped downstairs, ready with excuses, she found only Eknath, their man Friday, pottering about in the kitchen.

“They’re all in the estate,” he had informed her, and she had felt terrible as she sipped the excellent coffee he had brewed specially for her. Mr. Prabhakar had come in just after she had finished her breakfast, and had whisked her away to his large study, where tons of box files awaited her.

“I just need to ensure that everything is in order.” Those were his only instructions, and she was left to her own devices after that.

Deepa had ploughed through the files diligently. Sometimes, the sounds of birds chirping outside or the rustle of the trees in the breeze made her yearn to get out and get some fresh air. But the thought of her mother and Sandeep made her determined to finish up her work as soon as possible. Eknath brought her food and coffee; she had requested for it so that she wouldn’t have to meet the others and waste more time than necessary.

A light tap on the door startled her. The door opened, and Vinod breezed in.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding all the time!”

“Hiding?” Deepa couldn’t help laughing.

“If you hadn’t come here with us, I’d find it difficult to believe you were in the same house as us. How come we don’t get to see you at all? Surely we’re not that bad!”

“I’m not hiding from you.” Deepa smiled. “I’ve just got to get through with all this, you know. Your father’s paying me for it.” She gestured to the boxes of files.

“I think it’s time you took a break. Come on, we’re going out on a trek, and you must come along.”

“I’d love to, but I don’t think I should,” Deepa said. “I’ve got way too much work, and I don’t think I’m in good shape for a trek at all.”

“Oh come on. A couple of hours won’t hurt.”

Rakhi entered the room. She looked all dressed up for a trek, complete with track pants, sneakers, and a cap.

“What’s up?”

“Madam says she’s too busy to join us for a trek.”

“No way. Come on, Deepa. You’ve been like a prisoner in this room. It’s time you took a break!”

Deepa hesitated. She really felt like abandoning everything, and setting off with them. But then, a trek would be physically exacting, and she didn’t feel very fit right now. It would probably set her back by a day at least. Was she prepared for that? She didn’t think so.

Pammi Chikki appeared at the doorway. “Aren’t you people leaving now?”

“We’re trying to persuade Deepa to come with us.” Rakhi said.

“Oh yes, Deepa. You ought to go with them. You really do need a break. You are working too hard. Shall I call my husband? You mustn’t be so afraid of him – he’ll surely understand.”

“No, no, aunty.” Deepa responded, half-rising. “It’s not that – it’s just that….” She was at a loss to explain her reluctance.

“Go on, get ready soon.” Rakhi urged her.

“We’ll be waiting for you out in the front. Come soon, ok.” Vinod was already on his way out, even before Deepa could voice her refusal.

Deepa ran up the stairs, wondering why she had allowed herself to be talked into the trek. She scanned her meager wardrobe – there was nothing remotely trek-friendly. She had simply not come prepared for it. Perhaps she ought to back out at least now, she thought.

“I thought you might need something comfortable to walk in. Here, try these on.” Rakhi had come in with a pair of slightly worn sneakers. “Do you want anything else – pants or anything?”

“Thanks.” Deepa felt rather embarrassed. “I do have my jeans, so I should be ok.”

She changed into her jeans and a comfortable tie-and-dye sunset yellow cotton top. The sneakers fit perfectly. She splashed some water on her face – her eyes looked quite puffy and red. Perhaps going on this trek was the right thing to do.

She hurried down and saw Vinod and Rakhi waiting for her in a jeep.

“Sorry for making you wait. Did I need to bring anything else?” She asked, hopping in.

“No, we’ve got plenty of water and fruit and biscuits. Shouldn’t be a problem at all.” Rakhi smiled at her.

“Yup, no hard-core trekking. More like a walk in the park. I can’t trouble her before marriage, you see. Now after marriage – that’s a different story!” Vinod laughed and ducked to avoid Rakhi’s mock-punch.

There was a brisk breeze and Deepa felt refreshed already. Silly me, she thought – sitting cooped up all day in the middle of such beautiful surroundings.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“We’re going to Mulliangiri. We’ll drive down to a couple of kilometers from it, and then walk our way up. It’s very nice up there. You’ll enjoy it.” Vinod said.

“Is it like a special place or something?”

“It’s the highest point in Karnataka. There’s a small temple on top, and the view is fantastic.”

The rest of the journey was in silence. Deepa soaked in the greenery as they wended their way up the slopes. It was a feast for the eyes and the soul, and she sometimes closed her eyes to let the wind have its way with her. There was a tranquility in the air that seeped into her very being, and calmed her frayed nerves down. She was glad she had decided to come out after all.

Soon they drew up to a clearing by the side of the road. Vinod parked and jumped out.

“Here,” he handed her a small backpack, and a similar one to Rakhi.

“We’re all set, I guess.” He said, and Deepa felt a flutter of unease in the pit of her stomach. Had she agreed to something too adventurous for her? She had never been on a trek before. Sure, Vinod had said that it was just walking, but still, could she manage it? Her legs would surely play truant. She just hoped no untoward incident would happen. Thank God Manoj was not around. Something or the other always seemed to happen to her when he was close by. Wonder where he is, she thought. She hadn’t seen him around at all. He couldn’t have already gone back to Bangalore, could he? She felt a strange sinking sensation at the thought that he might have gone without telling her.

“Want to try this cap on?” Rakhi handed her a baseball cap.

“Thanks.” As Deepa adjusted the cap, she heard Vinod call out.

“Oye Manu, we’re here.”

She turned to see Manoj striding towards them, his face glistening with perspiration. He’d not gone back after all! An unexpected frisson of delight ran through her.

“He set out earlier than us – he wanted to walk all the way.” Vinod told her, and she nodded, a bit confused by her reaction. Had she really felt happy to see him? Silly me – she said to herself, and as the quartet began their march, she hurried along, determined to keep pace with the team.

PS: I’ll be back - after a short break.

(All previous episodes here)

A good twenty minutes later, Deepa felt the beginnings of a crick in the neck. She had studiously trained her gaze out of the window, not daring to even peek at Dr. Manoj. His face had registered a shade of surprise at the introduction, but beyond that, he had leaned back into the seat and shut his eyes. It was time, she decided, to at least sit straight.

She adjusted herself into a more comfortable posture, sneaking a glance at her co-passenger. His eyes were still closed, and she heaved a sigh of relief. The strains of Kishore’s songs filled the car, and she found herself humming along.

“So Deepa, have you been to Chikmagalur before?”

Rakhi had turned to her with a smile.

“No.” Deepa shook her head.

“Oh good! Now I have some company to go around.”

“Er…” Deepa hesitated. “Actually, this is more of a business trip for me.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Mr. Prabhakar called me for some work related stuff.”

“Oh.” Rakhi sounded disappointed. “What do you do?”

“I’m an accountant.”

“Gosh! You must be very smart.”

Deepa laughed. “Why?”

“Oh, I’m no good at numbers.”

“Yes,” Vinod teased. “She keeps losing track of how many days it is to the wedding.”

“As if!” Rakhi made a face, and they all laughed.

“Yatri Nivas is coming up. If you aren’t careful, we might miss it.”

The voice startled Deepa out of her wits. She had almost forgotten the presence of Dr. Manoj.

“Thanks Manu. We can’t do without a good lunch, can we?” Vinod smiled.

A few minutes later they swung into their pitstop. Deepa was glad to escape from the sudden stuffiness of the car. Vinod got out and stretched. Rakhi joined him as they walked down towards the restaurant. Deepa followed them, treading carefully. She had no wish to interrupt their conversation, but at the same time, she had no desire to walk with the doctor.

“How is your mother?” The question startled her, and she looked up in confusion. Manoj had caught up with her after all.

“Oh, she’s fine.”

“How will she manage without you?”

The query took her off-guard. She had not expected this sort of concern.

“Well, my aunt has come over.”

“That’s wonderful, isn’t it? You ready for lunch? I’m starving!” He walked ahead of her as she looked on, bemused. He had certainly succeeded in confusing her with the sudden shift from her mother to food.

They settled down and ordered their lunch. Deepa chose a dosa; she just didn’t feel like eating much. The others tucked into a hearty lunch, with Vinod teasing Rakhi about her diet. It was nice to have company while travelling, she thought.

Soon, they were done, and Manoj offered to drive for the rest of the journey. That meant she had to shift to the front passenger seat since Vinod and Rakhi were obviously going to sit together. The choice of music was now ghazals, and as the soulful voice of Jagjit Singh filled the air, Deepa suppressed a yawn. She was feeling so sleepy now, she would surely nod off any second.

A nip in the air woke her up. The sun was low in the sky and they were already wending their way up the hills. There was complete silence in the car. Vinod and Rakhi were asleep too.

“We’ve already reached?” She asked in a low voice.

“Yes, almost there.” Manoj gave her a smile that warmed her heart.

“You must be tired, driving for so long.”

“No, not really. I love driving. This is way better than getting stuck in traffic jams back in Bangalore.” They both laughed.

Bangalore felt so distant now. It was as if she was in another universe altogether. The road was narrow and curving, and Manoj was driving carefully.

“Is the house very high up on the hills?”

“No. In fact, it’s just two corners away.”

A few minutes later, they veered off the main road into a small road that was hardly visible. Foliage grew thick and dense, almost brushing them. The car lurched along and woke up Vinod.

“I wish Dad would get this road paved. It’s the worst stretch ever!” He complained.

Deepa couldn’t agree more. It was so bumpy that she felt like dice being shaken in a box. Finally the rattling subsided, and they pulled into a driveway that started abruptly. She peered ahead, wondering where the house was. It seemed to be taking forever to get there.

Suddenly, there was a clearing, and she caught her breath as a magnificent bungalow appeared. It was something straight out of a story book. She gazed at it in fascination, not realizing that the car had halted and its passengers were alighting.

Her door opened, and Vinod bowed.

“Welcome, madam, to my humble abode,” he smiled.

She stepped outside, hugging herself against the chill. Manoj had already got the bags out of the car. Just as they reached the massive door, it opened, and a pleasant grey-haired lady dressed in a crisp cotton sari smiled in welcome.

“Amma,” Vinod hugged his mother, who extended the embrace to Rakhi as well.

“How are you, Pammi Chikki?” Manoj too got a hug.

Deepa hung outside, feeling like an intruder.

“And is this your lovely lady, Manoj?”

The question startled Deepa, and her cheeks burned in embarrassment. Manoj looked surprised too, but quickly recovered.

“NO, NO!” His emphatic answer irked Deepa. As if she was some sort of disgusting worm!

“I’m Deepa – the accountant Mr. Prabhakar had asked for.”

She introduced herself, and the lady smiled. “Oh, of course. Come in, Deepa.”

Mr. Prabhakar appeared.

“Ah Deepa!” He extended his hand. “So glad that you could make it safely.”

“Appa, you seem to be more concerned about your accountant than about your own son.” Vinod winked as he stooped to touch his father’s feet.

“She’s a special lady, Vinod. We can’t afford to upset her in any way. Our future is in her hands!”

Deepa was amused. She had never seen Mr. Prabhakar in this jocular mood.

“Then I’d better take care of her,” Manoj quipped, and Deepa glared at him. “After all, your hands are full, Vinod.”

“You mean my hands are tied,” Vinod laughed, pulling Rakhi into a hug, who protested a little feebly.

“You can call me Pammi. My name is actually Padmini, but everyone calls me Pammi.” Mrs. Prabhakar gave Deepa a warm smile.

“You can call her Pammi Chikki if you’re not comfortable.” Manoj surprised Deepa with his astute observation. “She’s my Chikamma, my aunt, so that’s what I call her.”

“OK.” Deepa smiled back at Mrs. Prabhakar, er.., Pammi Chikki. Everyone seemed so warm and cordial – she could tell she was going to have a nice time here.

I fear I have nothing more to say
Can I bid adieu?

Where can I go,
burdened with these little
foetuses that will not grow,
that will not abort,
that harden with bitter age
around the seeds of dreams?

Where will I go
to hide from words
that seek discovery,
that call out
and then disappear giggling
behind pillars and walls?

Where should I go
to deliver the unborn,
to pant and struggle
and fight for the very air,
to bloody myself with
the pain of their release?

Where must I go
to find the tune to pipe
for playful words to follow me,
enchanted and obedient,
till they find deliverance
in my streams of thought?

I fear I have nothing more to say
I fear to bid adieu
For the ghosts of words will
dance upon my grave
demanding I join
their eternity

Recently, I attended two parties.

Party One was something I thought I wouldn’t enjoy. I was prepared to sit quietly in a corner, drink, eat, and melt away into the night. On the contrary, I mingled and conversed and smiled and joked. To cut a long story short, I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Party Two was something I thought I would enjoy. It had lots of people I knew well, and lil D had lots of kids her age to hang out with. I was quite prepared to have a good time. As you can guess, however, within the first five minutes, I froze. Now once you begin freezing, the process is quite irreversible. It gets harder and harder to break out of the ice! By the time I left, I was feeling quite miserable.

What puzzles me is this: what was the turning point in the second party? What made me freeze, especially at a party where I knew I would be comfortable? I’m trying to do a rational analysis on this, but I guess it’s hard to be objective when you are involved.

Have you had any such experiences?

[ I’m not looking for explanations for my experience - I’m more interested in what happened to you! ]

I’ve been watching some refreshingly different movies on the World Movies channel of late.

Last night, I watched Viva Cuba. It looked like another wannabe-cute movie, with two kids who are inseparable, and whose parents (moms actually) are not exactly love-thy-neighbour types. The girl’s (divorced) mom decides to move out of the country, but the girl is very upset with the decision. The boy suggests they go to the father (who lives a long way off) and persuade him not to sign the authorization papers that will permit the girl from being taken out of the country.

So off they go, the two of them, on a trip that has its usual shares of ups and downs, ending up in a mighty squabble just as they are nearing their destination.

The movie had both cute and cliched moments. But just as I was ready to dismiss it as yet another flick, the end just blew me away. It was heart-breaking, and it reduced me to tears. It was beautifully picturized, and unexpected (at least for me).

The picture worked for me on many levels. Life in Cuba was brought out nicely and the characters were universal. The girl’s relationship with her grandma was beautiful; I particularly loved the way the death of the grandma is captured.

Do watch it if you can.